23weeks 3days

Another couple of quiet days have gone by. More or less quiet that is. My 2 and 3 year old are going nuts quite a bit right now. They don't understand why I just lie in bed all day. So it is quiet when their daddy distracts them 😃

My little baby girl is kicking quite a lot and I can't say how happy it makes me to feel her that strong. Means she is growing and getting bigger. Almost reached one of my goals which will be my first steroid injection on Tuesday. We want to give her the best possible chances in case she comes early. So far things look good though. My cervix is short but closed and not effaced. I haven't had any bleeding in almost 3 weeks.
Wednesday's ultrasound will show weather or not the placenta has grown again and we will discuss my surgery plan with the team.

I had a bit of a meltdown earlier. Good old crying session. Sometimes I get really scared thinking about the surgery. Even with preparation things can go wrong and plenty of mothers die from this. Can't even describe how scared I get imaging loosing my life now.
All the things I would miss in my kids life. But I am trying to grow with this and find my faith again. Just not quite sure how. If this is what is meant for me then I need to learn to
accept that. I've had a great life so far.
I married the love of my life and we've been together for almost 15 years now. We have built a beautiful family. It's been tough at times but I wouldn't change any of it.
I have traveled and seen places.
But there is still so much more I want to see and do.
If I make it trough this alive I am definitely ready for some changes in our lives.
Life is to short to just trudge along...